My ten fringe resolutions

 

 

1. I will eat something other than burgers.

I was meant to be losing weight before the fringe. And I have succeeded to the extent that I have significantly altered my weight. It’s just to a positive rather than a negative degree. It’s awfully tempting to grab a burger as you are wandering around Edinburgh. This year I’ll stick to the salad, thank you. Yes, with a garnish of burgers. Okay, and hold the salad.  Yum.

 

2. I will do lots of flyering

Whenever younger, keener, perkier comics talk to me about Edinburgh, I always come on very sage and nod and say, “Well, you have to remember that you are going to Edinburgh, primarily, to flyer. Performing your show is secondary to that.” But the truth is I have always been too shy to flyer much. In fact, as my show is about introversion, it would be conceptually inappropriate for me to get all up in people’s faces. I might have to make a Wile E. Coyote style sign to that effect: “It would be conceptually inappropriate for me to engage you in conversation. I am giving out flyers. Please stop me and ask for one.”

 

3. I will see at least one Edinburgh tourist attraction

After the first couple of Edinburgh’s in which I saw nothing but comedy, I realised that I had hardly seen anything of the amazing city that hosts the festival. I have tried to see at least one sight for the last couple of years and have skulked about in the underground streets of St Mary’s close (musty) and climbed to Arthur’s Seat (airy). This year I might try and go to the Botanical Gardens and Edinburgh Castle, which I feel bad about having not seen yet.

 

4. I will read Andrew Marr’s History of The World.

As you can see here, in 2010 I tried to get through Andrew Marr’s The Making of Modern Britain. I failed. I was distracted by the release of Stewart Lee’s book, “How I Escaped My Certain Fate – The Life and Deaths of a Stand-Up Comedian”. This year, I will be taking on Marr’s latest weighty historical tome, and this time, I will prevail!

 

5. I will see an event outside of The Fringe

Apparently, there is this dinky little series of events on at the same time as The Fringe called “The Edinburgh International Festival”. I know! You would have thought they would put it on at a different time so it didn’t clash! I have been to a couple of theatre pieces in previous years – but they have been fringe theatre. I’d like to check out something at the Festival itself, or even the Edinburgh Book Festival. In fact I have just seen Bryan Lee O’Malley is on at the book festival, got incredibly excited about this, and bought a ticket. So this resolution is pretty much achieved already. However the new Bryan Lee O’Malley book may derail resolution 4.

 

6. I will go for a swim

Similarly to resolution 1, I have been meaning to go swimming for ages. Perhaps I’ll manage it in the ‘Burgh.

 

7.I will schmooze

I think this is the resolution I am least likely to succeed at. I hate schmoozing. People have said they “don’t get” the idea of a stand-up comedy show by an introvert. But I find it a lot easier to talk on stage because it’s appropriate for me to be talking in that context. It’s a big relief to have permission to express my thoughts. It’s in real life I find it more difficult. I don’t want to impose on people. Of course, I know this is the wrong way of seeing it. “Schmoozing” is actually just having a nice conversation in which both parties understand you will be “pitching” your show and “making contacts” and it’s all mutually beneficial and all. But it just feels false and icky. Like being Piers Morgan must feel all the time. Ew.

 

8. I will start work on next year’s show

This is wildly ambitious. I may not do a show next year. Or ever again! But I have an idea and title already. So all I need to do is write these down and doodle some ideas to tick this one off. Certainly I’m hopeful the creative atmosphere will inspire some new material if nothing else.

 

9. I will remember the reason I am at the fringe: The show itself

Of course, I secretly harbour hopes of getting nice reviews, being nominated for awards and being crowned King of Everything. Who doesn’t want to be King of Everything? Actually, I don’t. Imagine the admin. But I hope I am in a fairly good place psychologically at the moment. My ambition, my dream, has always been to do an hour show at the Edinburgh Fringe and the dream is coming true. I just hope I don’t lose focus on this once the Fringe Craziness is on me.

 

10. I will blog every day.

Even if the blog is just: “Today. Was. Insaaane.” …to quote Jack Black from one of the DVD extras on School of Rock.

 

If you’d like to make a Fringe resolution to see my show,  click on this link to buy tickets.