Adventures in Quarantine*

We were, to be honest, already past the “Ho ho, it’s the perfect time to book a cheap cruise” phase of the pandemic. Alternative lyrics to My Sharona by The Knack had been posited and forgotten, mutterings of “corona” after someone sneezed or coughed were no longer said in jest… It was clear that unlike SARS or BIRD FLU this was the real deal. Third time’s the (c)harm.

So I felt a bit guilty about writing about the peace and quiet of London afforded by Coronavirus-mania. But I consoled myself that:

a) it was from the viewpoint of a week prior when the virus somehow felt far away and unreal,

2. I had some really cool photos of “archeological stuff” that MUST BE SHARED, and,

iii. No one would read it anyway so I might as well “print and be damned” …or more accurately “print and be left in purgatory, unseen and unjudged.”

However, following that little adventure, ho ho, the joke is on me (a ha ha) because I have been stuck at home, ill.

I don’t know if it’s the actual bonafide trademarked coronavirus or just an off-brand regular cold or flu. Because I am ill, I’m just not ill enough to warrant testing.

I suspect that it’s not the real thing. But you could have a guess I suppose. Would that be a fun game? To guess if I will survive? Let’s give it a whirl…

I have:

  • A headache
  • An all over body ache actually
  • Constant tiredness
  • An occasional cough
  • An occasional sneeze
  • An occasional flush of hot temperature
  • Constant mucus at the back of my throat
  • Two puncture wounds in my neck
  • Vampire teeth

What do you think? Have I got it which means I will die? Or have I NOT got it, which means I won’t have built up an immunity so when I inevitably do catch it… I will die?

Let me know which of these great options you think are the case by leaving a comment, and don’t forget to leave a like and mash that subscribe button, etc, etc.

Ah. Remember GDPR? (There is a point to this tangent.) It was when they brought in rules about keeping email lists that meant you got tonnes of emails from companies saying “Guys! We need you to click on this link and sign up again otherwise we won’t be able to save you the bother of unsubscribing from our faux-chummy corporate messages that you just never get around to cancelling!”?

Corona virus is like that. Except instead of cancelling emails, it’s cancelling gigs and tours and half-marathons and all those things you got tickets for when you thought you ought to be “having a life” and have been dreading ever since because it meant leaving the house.

Now look, I am NOT saying that coronavirus is a good thing. That’s the opposite of what I’m trying to say. Let me be clear: I think that this current global pandemic is VERY BAD.

But it’s a better excuse than “I’m washing my hair”, isn’t it?

“I’m sorry. I’d love too. But I’m washing my hands.”

It’s too late for jokes.


*It’s a good title that. Someone will use it for something better than a blog post one day, mark my words.

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