Hello blog fans.

This blog only has about three rules, which are: it is posted weekly, that every post has a photo and that each post is no more than a thousand words. I have managed to break all of these almost immediately. Because that’s the sort of maverick I am.

A stupid one.

I did try and write a blog last week updating the whole situation with my Mum and Dad but it was depressing, it had no jokes in it, and I wasn’t quite comfortable with the level of emotional disclosure. All I need say, I suppose, is that my Mum is being looked after in hospital, my Dad is at home and seems to be alright and I am not sure what the hell to do next. I will have a better idea what might be possible once my mum is “assessed” and we know the level of care she needs.

In other news, I attended a ceremony of my girlfriend’s son’s last night in which he collected an award for academic excellence at the Brighton Dome Corn Exchange. I got quite nervous on his behalf (even though all he had to do was slouch on stage, collect his award and slouch off again). But I probably should have been annoyed as I have just figured out it means both my girlfriend and my girlfriend’s son have played the Dome when I haven’t. Outrageous.

As well as the awards, the school presentation featured a school choir singing “Eye of the Tiger”, a brass band rendition of “The Rocky Theme Tune” (bit of the pattern emerging. Is the music teacher a frustrated boxer?), a ukulele orchestra doing a Bob Marley song and another choir doing a hilarious fantastic rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” with Pan’s-People style super-literal interpretive dance moves.

I also managed to sit on my iphone during all this and it went into “Voice activation mode” and started playing heavy metal. Very embarrassing. And ironic, given my girlfriend’s son goes to Catholic School, that the iphone chose to play Faith No More.