It is my girlfriend’s last day at this year’s Festival and so I am up at 6.30 or something silly to see her off to get her flight at 10am.

Then I go back to bed.

At about 11.30 I am awoken by an agent of Alienation Squad who opens the door with a master key, apologises and goes away. Surely even starting this short conversation is against their Raison d’être?

It’s my fault the cleaning lady wakes me up. I had forgotten to put a “Do Not Disturb Sign” on the door. Luckily, I am wearing my rather fetching PJ’s so there is no nudity-related major embarrassment.

Just some pyjama-related minor embarrassment.

I’ve been really enjoying this year’s visit to Edinburgh. I think it’s had the right balance of seeing gigs, doing gigs, flyering, socialising and chilling out. But I had been getting a little frustrated that I’d not had time to work on my comedy. There’s been no time to write new stuff or even practice my set before the show. So I decided to spend the day doing that.

I read Stewart Lee’s book instead.

Well, it’s research isn’t it?

Also, I am quiet tired.

Later in the afternoon, I force myself to sit with my notebook and try and write down some ideas.

I can’t think of any.

This makes me more miserable. Eventually, the time comes round to do 3D comedy and I wander into town.

There’s no audience.

Hooray!

But then, just after our start time, seven people file in and we can go ahead with the show.

Boo.

Aiden is our guest compere and he does an absolutely excellent job, talking to the audience before he has picked up the mic, as if it is a pre-show chat. He puts everyone at their ease, finds out a little about them and segues into material brilliantly.

Well done, sir!

Also, he creates a lovely Edinburgh moment where the audience troop round to the back of the stage jump through the curtains and say ‘hello’ into the microphone whilst the comedians applaud and whoop.

Slowly, my bad mood lifts and I remember this is supposed to be fun.

The seven people in the crowd are all lovely but one of them is a fourteen-year-old girl and one of them is a fifteen-year-old girl.

It’s only in situations like this that your set is perhaps a bit more filthy than you think it is.

Aiden reassures the fourteen year old that it will all be okay and she says that she lives on a farm and therefore has, “seen things you people wouldn’t believe.”

Oh, okay, that was Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner. But she says something to that effect.

In the end the presence of the younglings makes it even more hilarious as the comics struggle to keep it clean.

Or not.

Heap starts and delivers his set in a relaxed way improvising a good few lines which dissolve the room into fits of giggles. Perry follows and sits on the stage to further relax and create empathy with the audience.

Not to be out-done in the relaxation stakes, I lie supine on the stage and deliver a satirical shouty club-comic-style opening from the floor.

What a card I am!

After the gig we go for a really nice curry at Khushi’s Diner, only a couple of doors down from the gig.

Heap is feeling a little ill so he departs for an early night. Me and Perry go to Library Bar for a beer or two. Then I go home and read more of Stewart Lee’s book.

I’m afraid The Making Of Modern Britain has taken a back seat for the moment.